Well... not really sure if "Merry" is the word I would use to describe how I'm feeling right now. I haven't really been overwhelmed with "merriness" the last couple weeks... I guess I'm just worried about still not having a job... not having money... I'm also worried about Lynn. I know she must be in pretty bad shape but I still haven't heard from her. I hope she's doing okay. I guess it kind of really hit me hard today everything that's been going on.... we went to my late great-grandmother's house... (she died just this past April) for a Christmas Family Get-together. My aunt now lives there. I just walked in the house and saw all of these people here.. strange people that I didn't know... not family.. but friends of my Aunt. It just struck me right then that this wasn't right... for these people to be in my grandma's house, at Christmastime. I guess everything else that's been going on.... everything that's happened this year just fell on me at once and I just couldn't find a Merry feeling in my body. Krystal is out of town... I hope she's having a good time with her family and friends. She is unreachable by phone... I talked to Matt but he'd really be more comfort in person. A few other people that i've come to be friends with just really don't seem to want the responsibility to cheering me up when i'm feeling sad.. so... all I can do is write it down and hope this makes me feel better. I really want to be in a Merry mood... I don't want to bring others down at this time of year with my disposition. I just wish the New Year will bring good and interesting things to me and in my life.... so next Christmas will be nothing but Merry. They always say a clean slate does wonders for your spirit. I hope they are right. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.