Yes, I know... its been forever and a day since i've written on here but i'm a busy person! :) Okay so what's new? First off I am definately going to IN to see matt June 3-9. He is definately coming home with me June 9-20. I'll be there for his graduation and his birthday and he'll be here for my graduation. :) I'm so excited! 48 more days!! I went last week to pick up my cap and gown and order my announcements and all that crap and I found out i'll be graduating with honors (again) So I get to pick up my nifty cords to wear at graduation the morning of. I'm so excited :) What else? I am doing pretty decent this semester... although i've already missed a day of my Torts class. Bad me, I know. I'm going to take my book on the way to busch gardens tomorrow and actually read the chapters for once lol With the good news of graduation I found out the same day that Doc P and Lynn are moving to Honduras. They are leaving next weekend. On the one hand they told me they wanted to leave so I shouldn't be surprised... its just sad. They have been like extended family to me. I haven't spent a whole lot of time over there the last couple months with everything that has been going on. Seems like I don't even have time to think straight, you know? Dad's home business thing seems to be working out pretty well. He's working alot... but we seem to be staying ahead in the bills. I'm really excited about Matt coming down... i'm planning all these things I want us to do while he's here.. we're going to Orlando and to Busch Gardens... alot of expensive stuff lol. I'm taking him to Islands of Adventure for our anniversary (6yrs on June 12th) And of course this was our last full week of work. This next week i only have about 10hrs. Some short days, little jobs. I have to apply for unemployment on monday and go register with remedy so i can get enough money in the next month to pay for my bills until after matt leaves and i can work full time... and to pay for all the stuff i want to do while he's here. I know, I like to spend way too much money. I know we could spend the whole time he's here just hanging out and watching movies and whatever and we'd both be just as happy but we don't know when we'll get to spend time together again so i want to make the most of it now. We're going to be together for 16 days :) That's more time than we've ever had together in the whole 6yrs we've known each other. I'm still hoping to move to Indiana next spring. We're still going to look at apartments while i'm there... but it's going to depend alot on where he decides to go to college. Obviously if he isn't living there I won't move there. If he isn't... I don't know what i'm going to do. Krystal wants me to stay here. Rokeya is moving next weekend as well back to VA so she can live with her parents and go back to school. Krystal needs a new roommate. She wants me to stay here so i can live with here but i don't really want to live here anymore... and I don't know if we could still be friends if we lived together you know? lol I think us spending so much time together would just drive us apart. So anyway alot of crappy stuff going on right now. Matt's Papa just died... so I've been trying to keep all stressful situations away from his ears because he has enough to worry about right now. I've been trying to be as thoughtful and understanding and there for him as I can be. Work has been getting really crappy lately. Irene and I had it out this week and we're not on speaking terms anymore. Noriko is finally giving me a chance and training me in groups and sports. Although lately i'm really thinking twice about whether or not I want to come back next season. Either way i'll stay until after I get my bonus in July but... I don't know. I want to stay but I don't. It's a really hard decision to make. Maybe i'll try to find something in a law office. I dunno. I want to talk to Matt about it and see what his opinion is but we have this agreement that we won't have serious conversations until we're together so i'll wait until June to bring it up. I think that's all that's going on right now. I gave you enough to read for now so TTFN!

First of all... Happy Anniversary Doc and Lynn! :) Now that I have all the formalities out there... lets see what's going on. Well, i've made my final decision. Next Spring I will be moving to Indiana. I've found an area I think I like right on the great lakes (don't know which one lol) in Michigan City, IN. I found an apartment that's only like $350/mo and it looks pretty nice. Mom and I both agreed it was the best so when I go to IN in June, Matt and I are gonna ride over there and look at it... check out the neighborhood and make sure its okay... check out the models and see what the apartment is like... ask all those important questions, you know. So, i'm gonna be saving money and collecting stuff for my apartment (still need lots of stuff for the kitchen, and all furniture for the dining room and living room) :) No new developments with school... I'm taking my final for one class this week, I have a final project to do this week for Legal Research, and then 2 more exams next week. Then i'm done :) YAY. Then of course I get one week off and return to school for the next semester (school on tuesdays). I'm going to get all my graduation pictures taken in 2 weeks. I'm having my pictures taken with the spring setup at the office, then i'm having my pictures taken at either walmart or JC Penney with a couple different poses (including cap and gown) and Krystal is doing free style at the beach and the park for me that day as well. So... i'm gonna give the ones done at Walmart (or JC Penney) out with my invitations, and the others I'll keep for the really important people :) I still haven't found invitations yet, Im thinking I may just make my own and save a few bucks. I know i'm cheap lol but hey I already graduated once and plan on graduating at least once more... if i spend $200 each time i'll go broke! :) I think that's it for now. Oh by the way.... I'm participating in the March of Dimes again this year so if you can donate and you haven't already please let me know!

and feel the strain in your legs. I FEEL IT! :) I started Yoga today. It's supposed to not only help you lose weight and get in shape but to help you relieve stress. Boy I know why people who practice yoga are thin. That stuff kicks your butt the first time lol Everything is okay with me, I guess. My great-grandma on my dad's side died Tuesday. I took the week off of work... left early from school yesterday. Everyone keeps asking me how I am. It's weird... i'm okay. I haven't really cried that much. But I haven't seen her yet... the viewing is tomorrow... and the funeral is Saturday. Then i'll cry. My dad's whole family is here... Not looking forward to after the funeral when everyone is done being gracious and quiet with their opinions. Lots of people just dealt with those opinions and never started anything because of Grandma... but she's gone now so there is nothing keeping them from voicing it. The you-know-what is bound to hit the fan soon. I don't want any part of it when it finally does. I don't want any part of anything having to do with those people. You know what really pisses me off? All these family members that haven't seen grandma in YEARS are coming down for her funeral.. they're just coming out of the woodworks. It really makes me want to say... HOW DARE YOU??! How dare you celebrate her life and being her family when you didn't even have the courtesy to see her when she was alive. You have NO RIGHT here... so leave. We were here all along. We saw her dying... we comforted here... we mourned.... we took care of her... where the hell were you? Just "too busy" i suppose. F**kers.

Moving on... this is my last semester before graduation. The semester ends in 3 weeks... then we have a week off.. then our last semester before Graduation. I'm taking white collar crime, ethics, and torts. I can't wait for graduation... even though I do still have one more semester after that.... just to walk across the stage and know i'm so close to being done. I have to get Krystal to take my pictures soon. Probably in the next Month so they'll be back in time to send them off with my invitations. I bought my plane ticket to go to Indiana. I'm really excited. Only 91 more days before I get to see Matt :) :) :) YAYAY!!! I pushed back my trip to Wisconsin because Janet and I can't find a time when both of us can get off of work and everything. Right now it looks like we might do it in October but i'm not sure yet. I have to start looking for a 2nd job.... we're going to be done working at lifetouch at the end of April... I'll probably just get some BS job like at a grocery store or something.... something that doesn't take a whole lot of brain power or physical exertion. Like my cousin Ron's job... if he can do it a monkey should be able to do it lol He's like an assistant manager at Blockbuster. Sad, sad.

Okay then... well I guess alot has happened since I last wrong so here goes... My dad got fired. yep. well a long story short if you live in the area i'm sure you've heard of Ave Maria... this huge new University they are building local. Well my dad's old engineering company was taking care of the building plans. My dad worked on the project for 6mo and when he was backing up the files he accidentally lost all the files... every last one. He felt so bad he decided to give his notice (he was going to anyway in the next couple months but he decided this was a good reason to put a speed on things) and when he told them he was giving his notice... he went home because he got in a fight with the boss. He sent my mom back to the office to pick up his check and they had his things packed for him and basically sent my mom home to tell him he was fired. So, my dad decided this was a good chance to work for himself. So, at the moment i'm the only one in the house working. That being said i'm still looking for a second job because whatever is going on at work... i'm getting the least amount of hrs... barely 30/wk. Yep they're hiring new people yet they don't have enough hrs to give me more than 30/wk? I doubt it. I'm not sure what that's about but... whatever. I can use a little break anyway so I applied at Hallmark and Books-a-Million. I really hope I get the job at BAM. So anyway... I talked to Matt last night. I just had made this decision that it seemed like he just didn't care about me the same way I cared about him... and that if that was so... I just couldn't stand to be just friends with him so I had to end the whole thing. We talked for a long time and I just put it all out there... I even managed to do it without crying, amazingly and we just got it all out and addressed a couple issues we have. He told me that he was sorry I got the impression that he loved me any less than 100% adoration and that he guesses its just because if he acts like he really does love me... and we date and it gets serious before long we would be getting married and that would mean that he was growing up... and the whole idea scares him. Which, of course it does. It scares me too... I guess its just a little easier for me to grasp the whole growing up thing since i've been "30 since birth" *sigh* So... I don't know lol. I'm no closer to knowing what in the world is going on... but I guess it makes the quest of love with Matt is a little easier knowing he actually desires the same thing, you know? I don't know if we'll be together... we may spend time together and wonder why we loved each other in the first place. We really don't know each other well in the sense of ourselves... we only know what we tell each other... not the real things... the everyday things. But, I know at this point the greatest dream that could come true is falling in love with matt all over again... and... eventually... becoming Mrs. Duron. TTFN.

Well I know, the gaps between my entries get larger and larger. But, you know how life is. Really crazy. Let's see here, what is new with me? Well I finished off the money my parents gave me and bought a Kodak digital camera and a new printer. Pretty nice :) Can't wait to go back to Disney and see what this baby can do :) Right now just using it to do Ebay stuff, you know. Found out that my loan for school isn't enough to cover all of my Summer classes so I had to go in today to see if I could get it increased so I don't have to pay $1200 out of pocket. But of course their computers were down so I have to go back on Monday. We had the first meeting of our Legal Research and Writing class at the Law Library downtown. What a joke. I think this woman just does stuff like that and has all these guest speakers so she doesn't actually have to teach. She scheduled our midterms for next week... week 4 out of 11 of classes. We were like... okay and you were going to test us on what exactly? We haven't LEARNED anything yet! Moron. I swear I don't know where SWFC gets these losers for teachers, I really don't. Thank God I only have 2 more semesters. I'm supposed to call back on monday and speak to Monica about graduation... kinda find out what the seating is like... if we have to give out tickets to get in or what... just a little preview so i know what to expect and when i'll need the $$ for the cap and gown etc. Hm.. well yeah I love how all these people from my past have come back into my life as such great "friends". Take Tom for example.. he and I talked alot for about... 2 months. I haven't heard from him in weeks. Kevin... we talked alot for about 2-3 weeks. I haven't heard from him in about 2 weeks. Jenn.... we were supposed to do something one day and she blew me off.. haven't heard from her in about 2 weeks. Nicole.... haven't heard from her in like a month and she called me out of the blue today to tell me she got accepted to UCF. Whoopie. Okay yeah I'm really happy for her and proud of her and everything but that just... was the last thing i wanted to hear you know? It makes me feel like such a failure. I was such a good student in school and I imagined all these great things for my future but look where I am? Lovesick over a guy who has "commitment issues"... falling for all the wrong guys... making barely over minimum wage in a job i love but bust my ASS in. Overworked and underpaid. And, to top it off I end up stuck at this shitty school that's overpriced with poor educational quality... majoring in something I don't even want to do... living in a state I don't want to be in. Where do I want to be? I have no idea. Matt's getting his stuff together and he's making plans etc for college next year... I don't know... seems like everyone's leaving me behind... and I had always thought I would be the one doing the leaving, you know? I guess that's what you get when you think like that. I'm just gonna hang in there for a while I guess... i've worked really hard the last 15yrs... particularly at the end in high school/college so i'm just gonna have a little me time.. some fun. I'm definately planning to go to IN June 4-9 to see Matt's graduation and it'll be the first time i'm there for his birthday so hopefully it'll go a little better than our last rendezvous lol and then coming back for exams and graduation... then leaving again for Janet's in WI June 20-26, coming back for the Summer term... getting a part time job and then going back to work for Lifetouch again in August... and turning 20!! :) yippee. Well I think that's it for now. TTFN

Well it has been quite a while since i've posted so i guess i have alot to say. I had a fairly decent Christmas. It didn't really seem like Christmas for me though, you know? It was so stressful and rushed. I got my new Toshiba Laptop with a carrying case... and of course my money from the 'rents from the sale of the house... and they got me a playstation 2, Kingdom Hearts for PS2, an eeyore, Scene It? Disney and some other little things. By far the best present (i game someone else) was Chrissy's Phantom of the Opera tickets. She was psyched. I'm really glad she liked them :) Let's see... we went on our NC trip... that was pretty good... then i got back and re-packed and left for Orlando for our Lifetouch NSS national conference. Of course before i left i discovered that a fuse was blown in my car and my AC wasn't working right, no radio, no clock, no interior lights. So i had to johnny-rig it and get a boom box and plug it in with an adapter through my cig lighter. The conference was okay... the award dinner was great. We had alot of fun and best of all we got to dress up all pretty :) Then we (Krystal and I) stayed the weekend and Rokeya met us there... we met Manuel and went to Epcot and MGM... just hung out... had fun you know? Then we had to come back to reality Saturday night. Monday was my spring training for work... we learned the new setup and how to put up the background and pose the kids etc. Chrissy brought the boys over so we could practice on "models". Then wednesday I got back out there and started the work again. It was a pretty easy day cause I was just an assistant. I really earned my money Thursday... that was my first time ever using our new Spring setup... at a middle school. Of course everything went wrong. I forgot film, takeup cans, my paperwork, my mat, i got lost and arrived about 45min late... then my stands wouldn't stay up so we had to tape them up.. my background wouldn't stay up so i had to tape it up... it was a mess but it went okay. Friday morning i was SOO SORE you don't realize how in shape you get until you don't do it for a while and get out of shape and then you can't move the next day lol Work this season is gonna be harder... but its more fun. We get to pose these kids pretty much however we want... its so much better than the fall. School is okay so far... i didn't go to my wednesday class last week (first day) i was just way too exhausted from the first day back at work. My Criminology Online professor had a family emergency so she hasn't even checked into the class yet so we're pretty much just doing nothing for now until she gets back but the bad news is... if she isn't able to teach the class... guess who does? Mr. Fischer...the jerk-off that was taking the class i was in originally that i got out of because i found out he's teaching it! :( UGH! I CAN'T WIN! Oh yeah... the other thing is... we obviously had an enemy neighbor. Our neighbor (and her live-in boyfriend and his child who are not on the lease so shouldn't even be there legally) decided early on that she wanted to play her stereo loud and her surround sound often. We didn't say anything... but the other day my dad went down and told her to turn it down. Well a few days later we get a notice on the door saying someone complained that there was constant banging from 8-12 on sunday. and banging cabinets at 3am. Well for one nobody was home for those hrs on sunday and they can't hear out cabinets way downstairs even if we were up at 3am. So anyway we went to the office and made a little complaint of our own. So today i was putting the back onto a shelf (approx 5min.. 6 whole nails) and the guy (who is not legally living there under the lease) comes up and says his 3yr old is asleep and asked me to stop and that's fine cause i was done anyway. So it is obvious to us that we're going to have quick enemies in our neighbors downstairs so we're done being nice and ignoring all the noise coming from their apartment. From now on every time we hear the radio or the surround sound we're going to file a complaint with the office and play the game their way. Well i think that's it for now. TTFN

We finally moved into our apartment but my parents had no bed cause we hadn't closed on the house yet... so they were still living at my grandma's house. I had a bed so i stayed here. Well we finally closed on the house Wednesday.... so we got the money yesterday and mom and dad got a bed. Today we are supposed to go shopping for furniture, get my furniture off of layaway, etc. My bedroom is still full of boxes because I don't have a dresser yet lol. The only thing that was completely unpacked was my bathroom (that's the most important anyway, right?) So anyway... we still don't have a christmas tree... no christmas decor whatsoever. That kinda makes me sad :( I like all the christmas decorations.... I miss it. I have SO much to do in the next 72 hours. I have to pick up my furniture, put it together, move all the boxes out of my room so i can put the furniture there, unpack everything and put it away, finish doing the stuff for Matt's Christmas present and getting it together so i can send it Monday, bake cookies for our christmas party tomorrow night and to send Matt's Dad, get my car washed and cleaned out..... its just a MESS. And my parents want to go to the Port Charlotte Mall Sunday so that counts that day out. GRRRRRR. TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!!! On the bright side I did 3 out of the 4 of my finals and I'm confident I got pretty good grades :) I have to take my final saturday for Career Development but that will be easy :) I got my books for next semester... and paid everything off... its so nice to be debt-free (except for my hefty school loan of course). Anyway... everyone around here so far seem to be really nice... I think we'll like living here, you know? Mom and Dad got a new vehicle... got a Toyota Highlander fully equipped with a DVD/TV Tuner w/ game playing capability and wireless headphones in both headrests (you can watch tv on one and a movie on the other, 2 different movies, the same movie, a movie and play a game... really cool) all for $28,000 before taxes, tag, and title (the sticker price on the vehicle was 31,000 but my dad talked them down.) So I think that's all the news for now. TTFN.

You know what's really cute? What's really cute is when you think someone is grown up enough to have certain important, secret information... and to just prompty forget it when they are no longer in a fiduciary relationship with someone... like passwords to online accounts for example. But then, they just prove you over-estimated them and act like childish morons and go and oh I don't know... change your passwords to things like "bitch". That's just really mature... really cute. I love it. Well ya know what? that's alright... because I have a sense of humor. That's all I'm going to say about that topic. Moving on. It is day 4 of homelessness. We are supposed to close on our house today... sign the papers to the apartment tomorrow... and move in saturday. Its been okay living with grandma and chuck. Only bad parts are I have soo much homework to do I have no time to do anything else. Another bad thing is my DVD player won't hook up to the TV in the spare bedroom... and I have all these new movies I can't watch!! :( WAH!!! OH btw Krystal, Rokeya, and I are going to see the Chip 'N Dale Dancers at the Seminole Casino on Saturday night :) WHOO HOO :) Well that's a short version of what I have to report for now. Stay tuned.

That's it! 6 more days until we move out of the house. This is my last week with my beloved computer until after the move to the apartment. We have until Saturday in the house... Saturday we are moving... mom and dad are staying with Granny and Aunt Susie and i'm staying with my grandma in town until the 4th when we move into the apmt. So, I won't have my own computer for a week. I'll be able to use grandma's or go to the college to use the ones there but I won't have my own to use whenever I want, you know? I also have no printer now that mom's computer is gone so I have to go to the college to print stuff. I'm really glad its finally getting here but I still have SO much to do.. and with school and dealing with work ending and unemployment... and it being so close to christmas... its just alot to deal with at one time. It's kinda sad and overwhelming and stressful. I'll be glad when its over with. I put my new stereo and tv on layaway today. I got this really nice slim stereo with a 3 CD changer and a see through door... so you can see what CDs are in it... its wall mountable, takes up alot less space than the last one. Its really nice. I also put a 20-in flat screen tv on layaway. I was gonna try to get one with the built in DVD player but they're sooooo expensive. I got both the stereo and tv at Kmart for $227. :) So anyways. Not much else new... missed all the days I can miss at school cause of the surgery this week. Missed today too cause I was feeling like crap... think my gums where the tooth was extracted may be getting infected. It still hurts alot. I'm out of work except for Tuesday next week and out of school all week so i'm going to spend the earlier portion of the week to finish packing and the later portion finishing all of my homework for the semester. I don't want to have to worry about homework at all anymore. We're in week 9 so we only have 3 more weeks including the final. Thank god. I'm so ready for it to be over. I got my bill from the school today and they're saying I owe way more than I thought I owed... so i have to go through all my old bank stuff and receipts to find the ones where I paid and get that straightened out. Damn crooks. you gotta watch everything they do or they'll rip you off down there, you know? Anyone want a bunny? I'm trying to find a good home for Cappuccino. I don't want to take her with me but I don't want to leave her at the humane society either :( Ask around, find her a home. That's it, TTFN. BTW Happy Early Turkey Day everyone!

OMG I wish it was December already!!!! I'm so sick of November lol. I'm tired of packing, tired of being sick, tired of health deficiencies, tired of school, tired of school work, tired of work. I just want to be... that's it. To be responsible for nothing... just to be a bum for a whole day and do absolutely nothing but sit and watch the movies i want to watch all day. That would rock. But of course that's a fantasy. Okay so let me see here. We just wrapped up the ebay business until after the move. I did pretty good this go around... made about $60. Not bad. This is my last full week of work so i'm going to file for unemployment friday. This is the last week before thanksgiving (which means no work or school next week WHOO HOO!!!) and then that weekend we move... following weekend we move into the apartment. Exciting, eh?? :) Then lets see... that next weekend we're going to Orlando and going to Disney World (EEEEEEEEEEEEEK I can't wait!!!!) then the following weekend are my finals for my online class (during the week are finals for the others) and then the next weekend is christmas :) not too much longer now. Man my agenda is getting damn full on the weekends. With tutoring Tom, my Saturday class, and then spending a little time with Krystal and Rokeya... and squeezing my family in somewhere in there... i have NO TIME to do anything. Good thing we're getting out of work soon... Krystal and I can spend out days working out, hanging in the pool, hot tub, and sauna :) that's my kind of vacation right there :) :) :) hehehe. I really have nothing exciting to report. I got my oral surgery done... i lived through it... i'm in pain now lol but hopefully it'll be gone by the weekend. I skipped school today so i could take my pain meds (can't drive if i take them). Oh well I hate that class anyway. I can't wait until the end of the semester. Just 3 more weeks, yayayayaya! Okay i'm done whining, really. So oh yeah we found another apartment complex. It's called Veridian Lakes. Pretty nice... we're way in the back of the complex so its pretty quiet, you know. About 5 min from Krystal and Rokeya's Apt, 10min from the office, 10min from walmart, 15min from the college. Pretty good deal. Okay gonna watch Gilmore Girls and work on my Promissory Note and Guaranty. TTFN.