Hey all.... i've moved to Myspace.com for my blog. Check it out to continue reading about my life's adventures. www.myspace.com/sweetdarkfairy

 

 

I got to talk to Lynn a few weeks ago. She's not doing well.... but doing as well as she can possibly be under the circumstances. We talked for about an hour... she is staying in Honduras to finish what they had started to do.. to fill their dream. She is so strong... I could never do that on my own. I don't know that I could handle what she's going through on my own. She said that before Doc died he wrote her a letter... telling her how much he loved her and how proud he was of her.... that he knew he was going to die. Although that sort of makes it easier.... it doesn't. Does that make sense? I'm sure that was sort of a calming knowledge to know your fate (for him). But for us... those of us left here? That doesn't really help us. But... like Lynn said... its not about us... its about him.

Since his death I've been re-thinking lots of things. I quit AIU. I know that wasn't the right place for me. I still haven't found a good job yet.... I have a few prospects... nothing final yet. I've been working temps, doing my ebay and Partylite... with a little help from my parents to pay the bills. What do I do now? I've been asking myself that every day... all day... what do I do now? Am I really happy doing what I'm doing? Am I making the right decisions? Will things get better? It seems like everytime things seem they may get a little better... something worse happens. I've been questioning my faith... religion and God in general. And... I won't even lie... I'm angry with Him. For selfish reasons, of course... they always are. I've talked to people about these things but there is nothing anyone can say that will help. It's between me and Him. Somewhere deep inside I still believe.... its just that I don't understand how and why... and right now i'm finding it hard to have faith.

I'm also wondering if all the things i've been doing to prepare myself for life was a waste of time. Have I made the right decisions? The right preparations? Is this really what is best for me? Is this the right way? I don't know... maybe sometime I will understand.

Well... not really sure if "Merry" is the word I would use to describe how I'm feeling right now. I haven't really been overwhelmed with "merriness" the last couple weeks... I guess I'm just worried about still not having a job... not having money... I'm also worried about Lynn. I know she must be in pretty bad shape but I still haven't heard from her. I hope she's doing okay. I guess it kind of really hit me hard today everything that's been going on.... we went to my late great-grandmother's house... (she died just this past April) for a Christmas Family Get-together. My aunt now lives there. I just walked in the house and saw all of these people here.. strange people that I didn't know... not family.. but friends of my Aunt. It just struck me right then that this wasn't right... for these people to be in my grandma's house, at Christmastime. I guess everything else that's been going on.... everything that's happened this year just fell on me at once and I just couldn't find a Merry feeling in my body. Krystal is out of town... I hope she's having a good time with her family and friends. She is unreachable by phone... I talked to Matt but he'd really be more comfort in person. A few other people that i've come to be friends with just really don't seem to want the responsibility to cheering me up when i'm feeling sad.. so... all I can do is write it down and hope this makes me feel better. I really want to be in a Merry mood... I don't want to bring others down at this time of year with my disposition. I just wish the New Year will bring good and interesting things to me and in my life.... so next Christmas will be nothing but Merry. They always say a clean slate does wonders for your spirit. I hope they are right. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Hello all. It's been a while. I've had some sad stuff going on lately. My aunt is manic depressive and stopped taking her medication. Anyone who knows what manic depressive is knows this means she went crazy. She was talking about people living under her house, her phones being bugged, and people trying to kill her. My sister and grandmother had to take her to a mental hospital. She is out now but still a little unstable. My great-grandmother fell down and got hurt very badly. She can't walk on her own. Doctor Pawluk, my high school law teacher, mentor, good friend, and adopted father passed away. He died Sunday, Dec 4th of a massive heart attack. I'm not taking this news so well. I lost my job. All of these things happened in the same week and I was out of work for 3 days. My old boss doesn't care about family. He thinks he is God and comes before EVERYTHING. Asshole. Anyway he told me to make a choice. Either I stayed (after finding out that Doc died) and show him my job is important to me and mourn while I work or I leave and I don't have a job. My family comes before ANYONE in my life. I left. I have alot of bills to pay.. and its almost Christmas and I have no job... but he will rot in hell, not me. AIU just told me they are not accepting my entire associates degree. Long story short some of my classes from my previous school are not up to their standard so I may have to retake some, CLEP out of some, possibly drop the whole program and just try again at a different school. I will let you know how things go through the holidays. TTYL. Hang in there Lynn.

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So you want to know what's new in my life? Let me tell you all about it! There are several things new in my life. First thing is first: guys (friends). I've met a few guys online lately: Nate, Peter, Eric, and David (in that order). Nate and I are pretty good friends, we've hung out alot and talked alot on the phone etc. He works for his family's business and is really into sports, poker, and is going to school for computers. Peter and I talk all the time.. we've only hung out one time because i've been so busy. He's really nice... he works at CallTech (where i used to work) he's really into the computer thing. Eric I haven't met yet because he keeps makng excuses... he won't call me. I don't see the 2 of us becoming anything. He's a firefighter so he's got a nutso schedule. I just met David this week. He's really nice and I think we're going to meet in person the first time on Saturday. He works in a real estate office and is trying to get his own film company going.
Second, I started my own business! :) I'm now a PartyLite consultant. I'm going to have my first show next Saturday. I didn't realize how much work it was you know? i bought all my supplies for mailers, displays, etc tonight. I think I could do pretty good with it once I get going.
I don't know if i've mentioned before now but I have a personal trainer. I've been training with Adrian at the Omni Club for about 3mo now. I think i'm doing pretty good. I haven't had time to work out as much as i'd like the last couple weeks but I'm getting in shape pretty well. I'm getting pretty firm legs lol Not so much in the stomach area but hey Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
I started back at school this week. I'm going to AIU Online getting my Bachelor's degree in Visual Communications and Graphic Illustration (graphic design). This is my first week so it's kinda tough and overwhelming but I think it's gonna be cool. I really like the material that i've seen so far. I'm hoping after I take my web design classes i'm hoping I can find an apprenticeship just to get some practical experience.
I got a raise a couple weeks ago. I've been working for Jack for about... 4 1/2 mo. I'm still not making enough to live on my own... definately not as much as I'd like to be making but it's a start. I got a 1.50 raising putting me at 11.50/hr. I'm hoping to be able to save enough money between the money from my raise and my partylite money so I can have enough to move in May. I haven't told anyone at work that I'm moving yet. I don't want to give them a reason to get rid of me. I think if he knows i'm going to be leaving he'll just replace me and let me go now... either that or stop training me on doing things. I want to learn as much as I possibly can before I leave so I have more to work with when I get a new job in Raleigh. Well that's it for now... oh! I'm going to continue working on my book in January after the holidays. What's that? You didn't know I was writing a book? Guess you'll have to comment and ask me about that.

I'm movin' on up... to the East Side.... oh sorry :) So its official folks! I'm moving in 5 months! I am going to tentatively set my moving date to May 1st. This date may change in time, of course depending on me finding an apartment and a job and being able to afford it :) Where am I moving you ask? Good question. I've decided on Raleigh, NC. My parents are moving up somewhere in the vicinity of Murphy, NC. My sister wants to move somewhere in the vicinity of Franklin, NC. This would put me about 5hrs away from them. Far enough away to have my own life.... close enough to be able to see them on long weekends, holidays, etc. I am pretty excited about it. I am kinda sad about leaving my home though. I've lived in Fort Myers my whole life. I'm finally making a circle of friends... Peter, Nathan, Mike, Tony.. and of course my best friend Krystal. I'm really torn up about leaving her behind... and I know things are going to be hard for her after I leave.. what with Rokeya leaving last April... and now i'm leaving next May.... it'll just be her. But, I just couldn't live over 12hrs away from my family, you know? Besides, I'll come visit alot... I still have fam here and everything.. and they can always visit me when they need to get away from the Hell Hole we call Fort Misery, Florida. Wish me luck and for cryin out loud post a comment already! Know any hot guys in Raleigh, NC? Hook me up!

Okay everyone is always going on and on about that old saying "nice guys finish last". Well i'm here to tell you that isn't true. "nice girls who like nice guys finish last" now that is the "gospel truth" my friend. Think about it. Most nice girls want to date the bad-ass guy that's obviously gonna break her heart, right? and most nice guys want to date that bad girl that's obviously gonna break his heart. Why don't the nice guys and girls just stick together? Its better for everyone! I mean here I am... a nice girl.... nice to everyone (unless you tick me off of course, you can't expect me to be a doormat), i would do anything i could to help someone else out right... i'm pretty cute i think. I'm not a drop-dead gorgeous fox or anything but i'm cute... average... not really thin but i'm not a hippo either. I'm... a little "tubby" to use Krystal's word.... smart.... funny.... accomplished (just graduated from college)... motivated (i want to be a judge some day). So why is it.... that here i am telling you 2 people that will read this about this instead of out there living my life with a NICE GUY. I'll tell you why... because NICE GUYS DON'T WANT NICE GIRLS. Prime example: I'm in love with a nice guy... would do anything in the world for him... move the sun and moon if i could... and he's bitchin cause "nice guys finish last" saying that nobody wants a nice guy.... so obviously he missed something, right? I tell you what... these nice guys are really thick-headed... always realize things after everyone else. Can't see something that's standing right on their shoelaces smacking them in the head. oye vaye. Oh well...

I know i haven't been writing a whole lot lately but after the next 3 months i should have alot more time to do so. I have 1 more semester at SWFC and 4 classes to complete: Family Law, Civil Litigation, Terrorism, and Supreme Court.... I graduated officially this past Saturday. I will get my degree in 8 weeks. (well longer cause i have to complete my classes). Rokeya drove down and surprised me at the ceremony. Matt was here of course, I really enjoyed having him here.... it made everything so much better having him here for my big day. I felt like for the first time i was really sharing an important part of my life with him. My aunt Dena and Uncle Berlie both came... my Grandma (mom's mom), my parents, chrissy, shane and the boys, and Krystal ended up coming afterall. I am still disappointed and worried actually that i haven't heard from Doc P and Lynn since they left and that they couldn't go to the ceremony... but i was able to have my 3 best friends there for me.... and seeing them all there together... taking a picture of me after i got off stage..... that was an awesome feeling. I haven't been as happy as i was at that moment in a really long time. That was a great day. Matt and I had a few rough patches... a few disagreements... but I think all in all we enjoyed each other's company for the most part. I learned alot about myself... alot about him... alot about our relationship. I was really sad when he left today.... but I've done pretty good. I only cried 2 times... and it was just a short slipup.... It just sucks you know? You don't realize how much you really missed someone until you see them again... and spend time with them.. and then they have to leave again. Same with Rokeya having to leave again. I'm sure it was the same for Krystal. Anyway.... long story short.... i've grown alot in the last few weeks alone.... alot happened that kinda woke me up to new things i guess... and its just so weird to think that i graduated from college...i have a college degree and i'm the first of the entire family.... that's pretty damn cool. That's really something to be excited about, you know? That's it for now... ttfn

Well... it's official. Summer is here with a vengeance. It's averaging 87 degrees outiside, teenagers are clogging up the streets... up to absolutely nothing productive on their summer vacations... and of course people are rushing over to the nearest hardware store stocking up on plywood for the upcoming hurricane season (which starts in 2 days). This brings me to the very best part of the summer... the part i've been looking forward to for a year.... in 4 days I'll be in Indiana.... seeing Matt for the first time in 2 years. On the one hand i'm kinda nervous because I haven't seen him in so long... but i'm so excited. Its amazing i've gotten through 6 years of only seeing him a few days every 2 years.... it seems like forever since i've seen him last. Though its hard to believe its been 6 years since we first met, you know? Alot of people (family and friends) are looking forward to meeting him... since i talk about him all the time. I'm hoping this visit goes as well as i think it will so everything will be A+ for me to move there. I haven't told his family i'm moving there just yet... not sure how they'll handle the news.... so i'm thinking we won't tell them until I move there lol. It'll be a surprise! :)